A great article on childhood anxiety…

DSC_4340_Fotor

Anxiety is a huge issue among children who have had disruption and trauma in their lives.  It manifested itself in a variety of ways in our own children.  They struggled to sleep, battled chronic stomach aches and had irrational fears of things like bathrooms.

Here is a link to an article I recently came across that I thought you might find interesting…click here!

Powerful Posts on Adoption!!!

Holding Hands

I came across this today and just had to share…

Finding the Lovely, has been running a series of guest posts on adoption and they are simply POWERFUL!

                                                                     Check it out!

Why is my child so spacey?!

They are there...and yet not!

There is a plague that strikes during the teenage years.  Its symptoms include ignoring (“Not hearing you”), forgetfulness, and just being generally ‘checked out’.  But your child takes it to a whole new level…right?!

You tell your mom, your pediatrician, you complain to your best friend, but they all say the same thing…thats normal for a teenager.

But is it?

Well, yes and no.

There is a lot going on in the teenage brain that contributes to their spaciness.  Hormones, stress, fatigue, and addiction to technology (just to name a few) all wreak havoc on their ability to pay attention to…well, US!

But there is a ton of evidence that children from challenging backgrounds have an even harder time focusing.

A child that was born into a perfect world would have a birth mom who had good nutrition and proper medical care, living in a low stress environment.  She would give birth in a safe and secure setting, raise her child lovingly and with lots of attachment, provide good nutrition to the child, and that child would grow up and live happily ever after.  Right?

Well, in that scenario, the childs brain would grow and develop with normal wiring, delivering messages through efficient pathways, with normal hormone levels that provide just the right amount of juice at just the right moment for optimal thought processes and reactions.

But that isn’t what happens in kids from challenging backgrounds.  Birth-moms are in less-than-ideal situations, nutrition is often lacking, and the child suffers multiple, SIGNIFICANT disruptions in their world!  Even one disruption (ie-not being raised with their first mom) is enough to cause re-wiring of brain pathways.

So, the same information that goes into a teenage brain that hasn’t been re-wired from trauma, and gets slugged down with hormones, stress and lack of sleep…gets REALLY CLOGGED in a brain whose circuitry looks more like a bowl of spaghetti from all the confusing things that happened to them in their life.

ALSO…researchers have found that kids who have had trauma (scary,unpredictable, chaotic events) and/or disruptions, medical issues, learn to dissociate in order to cope.  The events were too much for their little brain to comprehend, so they ‘checked out’.  Being fully ‘there’ would have blown their minds and/or broken their little hearts, so they just kinda…left.

I had one mom recently tell me that she was driving home from a fun event and glanced back to find her 13 year old daughter mindlessly coloring all over her arm.  “She was all spaced out and when I yelled at her to stop, it was like I had awaken her out of some trance!”  A behavior that didn’t make sense for a 13 year old to be doing, is perfectly common for a 2 year old.  Her daughter had ‘slipped’ back into her 2 year old self and was either on a little mini-vacation from stress or re-hashing some event from that time.

So now, whenever things get confusing or stressful, they just…leave.

Because…

1.  Its easier to deal with.

2.  It takes longer for the information to work its way through the funky wiring in their brain.

Will it ever get better?  Yes.

Time, maturity and happy experiences help to straighten out the wiring and heal their brain.

Just like repetitive negative events messed up the wiring…repetitive, positive experiences help to fix the wiring! 😅

Check out Karyn Purvis work on this here.  Pretty interesting stuff!

Can someone help keep these kids together?

Urgent! One month to find family for sibling group
Share on all your social media sites…lets get these guys a home before its too late!

Click here to read original blog—   And see their ADORABLE pics (even through the blur!)

$10,000 child-specific grant available to the adoptive family of these brothers
A group of four handsome brothers urgently needs a permanent family as they are at risk of being separated! The brothers, ages 16, 12, 10 and 6, have various interests, but have one thing in common: a close, secure bond with one another. If we do not find a family for these boys within the next month, the eldest brother will be separated from his younger siblings.
The youngest brother “V,” born in 7/2008, is known as a good student, sensitive to other’s needs, and affectionate. He has a positive, cheerful attitude each and every day. He is enrolled in the second grade and is a good student. He has a competitive edge in swimming, football, and academics. He enjoys soccer, music, visiting parks and watching Spiderman shows.
Born in 12/2004, “J” is described as a friendly boy who easily adapts to new environments. He is a good student and has good relationships with peers. He has creative, artistic skills and enjoys drawing, painting and singing. His favorite activities include watching cartoons, football, cycling, going to the movies and eating ice cream.
“W” was born in 6/2003 and aspires to be a singer when he grows up. He is enrolled in school and likes art and Spanish. He is described as tender-hearted, expresses his feelings easily, and gives hugs and kisses to those he trusts. He likes to play soccer, hang out with friends, collect toy cars and play at the pool. He can show typical pre-teen behaviors, but overall is respectful.
The eldest brother, “C”, was born in 7/1998. He is driven by a desire to help people, and hopes to become a doctor someday. He is passionate about school and performing well in his classes, especially his favorite subjects: arts and ethics. He likes to listen to music, exercise, sing, watch movies and read books. “C” is sensitive to the needs of others around him; he frequently takes a positive leadership role in his group of friends, and a paternalistic or protective role with his brothers. He has a minor disease that is commonly caused by overuse of muscles as the body grows that causes him some pain, but it is expected to correct on its own and not cause ongoing concerns.
Other than “C’s” minor medical need, these children are considered healthy. Each of the boys has expressed a deep desire to be adopted into a family that will provide them the love and care they want and need. As “W” views it, adoption will provide “more opportunity to study and become professionals and [to] count on the love of a family throughout our whole life.” We sincerely hope you or someone you know would consider adopting these four brothers so they can remain together.

Learn More About V, J, W, and C
We cannot share clear photos of these boys online, but photos are available to those who inquire. If we receive more information about these children, we will update this blog page and our Facebook page. If you would like to know more about these children, please contact intchild@chsfs.org and reference 615-34.
Eligible famlies may qualify for a grant through LSS/CH and Brittany’s Hope Foundation in addition to the $10,000 child-specific grant that has been allocated to the boys (expires 10/31/2015).

Waiting Children
Along with reading blogs about the children who wait, you can view all waiting child profiles on our online listing.

Financing Adoption
There are a number of resources available to families who would like to adopt but are concerned about financing. If you would like to learn more, we welcome you to read about the Adoption Support Fund and view our infographic of fundraising ideas.

Where is the HELP?!

This is far too common…

Click here to read more…

For about 20% of adoptive families find themselves in REALLY difficult situations.  Although it makes sense why the kids are struggling, considering their background.  It still leaves the family scrambling to know how to cope.  We can ‘understand’, ’empathize’ and even fully grasp the ins and outs of trauma and attachment disorder, but understanding and empathizing doesn’t keep your other kids safe or you sane.  And when it comes right down to keeping your family safe, there is just no easy answer!

This is not what any parent envisions for the child that they love.  And until we walk in very similar shoes, its impossible to really know how it must feel to make these heart wrenching choices.

But what am I saying?…what choices?  The lack of choices, resources, HELP is so devastatingly scarce.  If there were good choices, she might not be in this situation at all.