I am so looking forward to attending the Adoptive Moms Retreat this coming weekend! I went a couple of years ago and found that it was a wonderful time of relaxation and renewal. Fellowshipping with other adoptive moms is a rare treat. Normally, I am not really attracted to group events but find that this year, more than ever, I crave the interaction.
Its possible that the change is due to the events of the past year. Going through difficult times with my children has not only made me realize that I need the support of like-minded friends, but opened my eyes to the fact that they need it too! What I mean is, there is far too much reserved posturing among adoptive families. We have this need to appear to have it all-together. Whether this is due to the fact that society is leery of adoption and is watching our every move, or that we are in a silent competition with other adoptive families that we view as “successful” -I have no idea, but this thinking is deadly!
We often talk about what the keys to a “successful” adoption. Quite likely, there really isn’t any key. Each situation has its unique blend of issues and personalities that meld to create a family. But if I could get my hands on the brush that paints the picture of that family-i would paint outside the lines, causing everyone to be able to see the issues and struggles that make up the process of healing and later, bonding. Its no secret that adoption is hard. If it were not, more people would line up to give these little ones a home. So from whom do we think the judgement for our struggles will come?
As for me, I will go to the retreat with bells on. Chiming my way through the weekend. Telling of our struggles. Comforting others in theirs. Laughing over the things that we can’t control, praying for the hurts and wiping the tears. But through it all, hoping that those ladies who feel ashamed that they can’t keep their family issues inside the lines, will know that there is no shame in the journey to hope.